In 2023, we decided to merge three families, my grandparents, my parents and my husband and I, into one home. We all had reasons for doing so, and many of them were mutually beneficial for everyone involved. It’s a unique situation and does not work for everyone, but it worked for us. Here is why:
- I was pregnant with my first child, working full-time and wanted my parents to be close to help my husband and I raise our children. I also knew we’d have a second child right away and wanted to not have to move again.
- My grandparents were 82 and 90 and were living on 13 acres with 2 horses, a dog and a cat. They were managing but needed help from family and neighbors to keep up with the maintenance. They wouldn’t admit it but they were ready to give up and not have to worry about taking care of the farm.
- My father is the full-time caregiver of my nonverbal autistic brother and it was starting to consume my father’s life. My father became depressed and needed a longer break than a few hours a week to play golf. It was becoming all-consuming for him which led him sink to lows I’ve never imagined. It was unsustainable for my parents to continue living with my brother in the manner they were. They needed help, and they were coping with what they could manage.
- We found the PERFECT house. It checked all of the boxes for everyone. My husband and I wanted land, my father wouldn’t move unless the house was on some sort of body of water. Dillon needed a pool. The house had to have 6+ bedrooms, one floor and have some sort of workshop. It even had two boat ramps, tropical and citrus trees, a beautiful gazebo that overlooks the lake after a long, beautiful walk through the woods from the house.
With those factors before us, standing in the driveway of this sprawling estate, we debated the pros and cons of living together (Find that here). After a week or so of thinking it over, we put an offer in on the house, closed 30 days later and all moved in.
In the beginning, it was very chaotic, without a schedule or consistent routine for all of us, we were muddling through and often overlapping with another person or hindering them from doing what they wanted to do.
Then we set up routines, schedules, chores list, family meetings. We discussed issues we had, grievances we wanted to air, we discussed who was cooking what meals for the week, who was traveling where. We slowly built our rhythms of life together.
Now every morning, my father gets my son up and makes him breakfast. He goes into his room, tells him good morning, then they head out to the kitchen to get milk, then figure out what they are eating, oatmeal, cereal, eggs. Its hard to describe the feeling you get watching your father with your son, knowing that this is your father’s second chance at raising a boy, this time without developmental disabilities. My father gets to teach my son all the things he never could teach my brother. And I get to watch them together every day. It’s an incredible experience.
I also get to watch my children with my grandparents, which words cannot begin to express how happy this makes my momma heart. My (now 94 years old) grandfather and son (2 years old) vacuum the kitchen and dining room every night with their matching Dyson vacuums (Dyson, you are missing out on marketing gold over here!). My grandmother does laundry with him, and he helps taking the clothes out of the dryer and find all of the dryer lint balls. These little daily interactions are the best memories, memories my children might not remember, but we will.
Multigenerational living is nothing new, humans have been living with their relatives for generations. It works for those who make it work, and not everyone is set up to make multigenerational living work for them, and that’s okay. We decided it was the right thing to do for our family and we made the leap! Now I want to tell you all about how we did it, how we are still doing it, tips and tricks for living with your parents, raising children with your parents and more! This blog is updated weekly so check back for additional posts!